Dread

In the interests of being honest and sharing this whole journey, today was tough.  When I woke up, I knew something was off: my lower back hurt; my belly hurt; my boobs didn’t hurt.  And then I ate breakfast, lunch and supper without the company of my good friends nausea and headache.  I stayed home and tried to sleep today, but I wasn’t as tired as I have been.  I know all of those “symptoms” may be nothing, and they can all be part of a normal pregnancy, but in my gut I know something is wrong.

I’m not jumping to any conclusions; the blood work tomorrow will be conclusive enough.  I am sure that God has his hand on this pregnancy, and this baby may be very much alive.  I am also sure that while I don’t know anything about normal pregnancies, I know a lot about early term miscarriages, and this is what it feels like.  One day you wake up and you feel distinctly not pregnant, and then you feel like someone kicked you in the belly.  That was my day today.  Maybe tomorrow will feel different; that is entirely in God’s hands.

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