There is a lot of fearful symmetry happening with this run at pregnancy. April 1 is our penciled in date for egg retrieval; April 1 was our first baby’s due date. May 13 is my birthday; May 13 is also Mother’s Day this year, and by that date we’ll hopefully be almost 8 weeks pregnant. Should we succeed at IVF, our probable due date will be right around Christmas, which tends to be hard enough to survive without thinking about what should have been delivered should it not work out. I know, that’s a lot of shoulds for one sentence, especially in a post referencing Blake.
I am trying to avoid recalling those fearful bits of symmetry, and I am mostly succeeding. Although, it’s funny to hear people’s reactions to finding out those bits because they all want to say something like, “Oh, that’s a good sign” or “Oooh – It’s meant to be this time.” As opposed to every other time you’ve said that?!? So, it’s a little hilarious in a dark and twisted way to wind that one up and watch it go. I think people forget that they’ve already tried to be harbingers of good news, so they just keep saying ridiculous things like, “I know this timeGod is going to give you a baby” instead of, “God is in control all the time, even when we don’t understand it.” I know a lot of really terrible prophets. 😉
Sidebar (and Nerd-Alert): If you’ve never read William Blake’s “The Tyger,” Google it and read it. If you’re a fan of Blake but you’ve never read more about his life and philosophy than is presented in Norton’s Anthology, dig a little deeper, and Blake will be even more fun to read.